U.K. VS France by Ariel Wizman
The British have terrible restaurants and perform Tai Chi in large public parks.
No wait, that would be the Chinese.
The British are the ones that invented steak pie so as to seamlessly eliminate taste from either word used to describe this "food". It's often accompanied by a Beer-Shake (a kind of alcoholic Milk-Shake beverage).
British girls have a knack for shedding their clothing a little too easily. All they need to spontaneously undress is be part of a group of 8 girls, that it be Saturday, night time, and that the temperature be below 10 degrees.
When the British call something "Fantastic" the truth of the matter is that they can't fathom going on with whatever conversation they might be having.
The British have both a North and a South Korea; it's called Ireland.
At six o'clock, the British have a beer in hand and they like to say things like "Yeah, man! Wicked! Fucking Sorted!" they also do this at six in the morning.
The British also have three or four new bands that are defined as "can't be ignored" "ultimate", "must-buy" "seminal" a week. Or just about 8472 bands since the Beatles broke up.
Never ask a British woman if she's pregnant, or if she just gave birth, that's just the way they look.
The British are patient when it comes to tourists, they never say no to a Bombastic curry in the wee hours of the morning, regardless of the fact their stomachs are not made for such raw delicacies.
If you would like to disappear, fall off the map forever so that no single sole is able to contact you, take either a British train or plane.
The French might produce amazing tapestry but it's no reason to think they'll make it into the European Union. Woops, I meant the Turks.
The French have over 400 kinds of cheese, they also invented the baguette yet they were never able to make the connection and invent a sandwich.
French women wear perfume so they don't have to smell their husbands.
The French are very strong when it comes to fashion and poultry; Their gowns and chicken breasts are remarkable.
The French are very good at innovation and organization. Just look at a typical French living room: one couch, one television, an embroidered tablecloth and bang! The very definition of cozy.
The French take our most beautiful words, they add an "e" and have their way with it (Example: "Hemorrhoides").
French rap is better than British rap, but that isn't surprising: they don't have to communicate in a real language.
French snowmen are magnificent; so much so that often the creation ends up smarter than its creator, whom can often be found in a state of submission.
Although Celine Dion is from the Quebec region, for all intents and purposes you can still count her as a peripheral member of the "French Touch".
Wherever they wake up in France, the French see the Eiffel Tower when they open their window.
No wait, that would be the Chinese.
The British are the ones that invented steak pie so as to seamlessly eliminate taste from either word used to describe this "food". It's often accompanied by a Beer-Shake (a kind of alcoholic Milk-Shake beverage).
British girls have a knack for shedding their clothing a little too easily. All they need to spontaneously undress is be part of a group of 8 girls, that it be Saturday, night time, and that the temperature be below 10 degrees.
When the British call something "Fantastic" the truth of the matter is that they can't fathom going on with whatever conversation they might be having.
The British have both a North and a South Korea; it's called Ireland.
At six o'clock, the British have a beer in hand and they like to say things like "Yeah, man! Wicked! Fucking Sorted!" they also do this at six in the morning.
The British also have three or four new bands that are defined as "can't be ignored" "ultimate", "must-buy" "seminal" a week. Or just about 8472 bands since the Beatles broke up.
Never ask a British woman if she's pregnant, or if she just gave birth, that's just the way they look.
The British are patient when it comes to tourists, they never say no to a Bombastic curry in the wee hours of the morning, regardless of the fact their stomachs are not made for such raw delicacies.
If you would like to disappear, fall off the map forever so that no single sole is able to contact you, take either a British train or plane.
The French might produce amazing tapestry but it's no reason to think they'll make it into the European Union. Woops, I meant the Turks.
The French have over 400 kinds of cheese, they also invented the baguette yet they were never able to make the connection and invent a sandwich.
French women wear perfume so they don't have to smell their husbands.
The French are very strong when it comes to fashion and poultry; Their gowns and chicken breasts are remarkable.
The French are very good at innovation and organization. Just look at a typical French living room: one couch, one television, an embroidered tablecloth and bang! The very definition of cozy.
The French take our most beautiful words, they add an "e" and have their way with it (Example: "Hemorrhoides").
French rap is better than British rap, but that isn't surprising: they don't have to communicate in a real language.
French snowmen are magnificent; so much so that often the creation ends up smarter than its creator, whom can often be found in a state of submission.
Although Celine Dion is from the Quebec region, for all intents and purposes you can still count her as a peripheral member of the "French Touch".
Wherever they wake up in France, the French see the Eiffel Tower when they open their window.
Text by Ariel Wizman, http://www.thekooples.co.uk/brand/uk-vs-france-562.html
